Host perspectives

Generational differences within the same household[i]

When looking to welcome people into their homes, there were quite a few people who wanted to host someone that was positioned similarly to them in the life course. For instance, Victoria, who recently retired, told us that she observed that many families with children wanted to host someone who had children of similar age. In her view, this was not the best move as if people with different parenting styles and house rules came under the same roof, or simply, if children did not get on well, this could generate a lot of tension. She told us that when they were looking to host, they were hoping to welcome a mother with a child, and not someone their age. Indeed, they welcomed Daniela and her child and the fact that there were ‘generational differences’ within the household has been working really well according to Victoria. She suggested that generational differences enabled ‘the kind of support that one would have back home…’, and that Daniela saw her a little bit as ‘her English mum’, and she would therefore ask Victoria for advice. Victoria emphasised that ‘sometimes we forget how important the wider family are’.

Similarly, Marcus, a retired hospital doctor, also felt that one reason the relationships with their guests from Ukraine worked well had to do with generational differences existing within the same household. However, unlike in the case of Victoria, it was not because they felt particularly familial towards Daryna and her children. Quite the opposite. According to Marcus, one reason this worked well had to do with no one having expectations to be friends or family or to spend time together, so it did not feel too demanding. In Marcus’ own words: ‘they are not family, we just met them, and they are not friends either, Daryna is 20 years younger than us, and the children much more’. This lack of expectations to perform as friends or in a family-like manner enabled Marcus and Elizabeth to feel they can co-inhabit the same space quite harmoniously.

Many households we came across during our research operated with some generational differences within them. Most often, the relationships seemed to have been working well. This does not mean, of course, that relationships do not or cannot work if people are positioned similarly in the life course. We met a couple in their 60s who hosted a woman of a similar age, and very quickly, due to shared interests and worldviews, they became good friends. However, it seems that situations where people were positioned similarly in the life course, especially if they all had children, created more opportunities for conflicts and tensions.

Many households we came across during our research operated with some generational differences within them. Most often, the relationships seemed to have been working well. This does not mean, of course, that relationships do not or cannot work if people are positioned similarly in the life course. We met a couple in their 60s who hosted a woman of a similar age, and very quickly, due to shared interests and worldviews, they became good friends. However, it seems that situations where people were positioned similarly in the life course, especially if they all had children, created more opportunities for conflicts and tensions.