Guest perspectives

The importance of personal space[i]

Having personal space for all members of the home is another key component to successful co-living with hosts. Personal space in this case is a separate room in the hosts’ house, where guests can be alone in a comfortable, safe environment by themselves or with members of their family, where they can relax and feel comfortable. This part of the report will examine such aspects as the presence of separate rooms for all members of the guests’ family, the presence of a separate bathroom for guests, the ability of guests to arrange their own space, the comfort of living conditions, the comfort zone of guests and the phenomenon of the living room as well as emotional state of guests upon arrival in the UK.

Roman was in Kyiv in February 2022. He arrived in the UK with his mother. The young man considered different aspects of living in the UK when he thought about his choice of country, city and hosts. At the time of the outbreak of the war he was in his final year of school and planned to continue his studies. The host helped Roman go to college and now he is a student. At the time of the interview, Roman and his mother had already left the program and were living independently.

Emotional state upon arrival in the UK

Most of the project participants (9 out of 13) said that they were stressed when they arrived in the UK. Experience of being in a war zone or under occupation, constant moving, difficulties and negative experiences of living in countries before participating in the ‘Homes for Ukraine’ programme, searching for hosts, waiting for permission to enter the UK, realising that they would be going to strangers in another culture, as well as sometimes lack of knowledge of the English language - all these factors had a great negative impact on the psychological state of Ukrainians. Some respondents recalled that it took them several months to be able to act 'normally.'

‘Perhaps it was because of our experience of being in a war zone. After that, we went away from stress for quite a long time, maybe a couple of months, and adjusted again to a normal life’ (Roman, Hull)

Other respondents were impressed by the English architecture and living conditions of their hosts: much of what they saw felt somewhat surreal as until that point they saw the ‘English way of life’ only on TV.  Some of the respondents were physically in the UK, but mentally and emotionally were still in Ukraine, with their husbands and relatives still there. The calm English life in which they found themselves evoked a feeling of shame in relation to those who remained in the war zone.

‘I felt like we weren’t worthy enough to be here. There's a war there. So, I was not able to fully enjoy it’ (Sofia, Ulleskelf).

Taking these circumstances into account, it becomes understandable when some respondents mentioned how glad they were when they saw their rooms in the hosts’ house (or separate housing), where they could seek solace, deal with current issues, study, and communicate with relatives and friends. This highlights the importance of personal space for people who have experienced stress and traumatic experiences.

A separate room and a bathroom

The research findings indicated that having a large host home in which each guest was provided with a private room and bathroom or having a separate premises (a house or an apartment) for guest, contributed to successful and longer-lasting participation in the ‘Homes for Ukraine’ programme. More than half of the research respondents (8 out of 13) had separate rooms for all members of their family, as well as a separate bathroom.

‘When the house is big, no one sits on top of each other: if you need personal space, you go to your room; if you want to chat, you come to the kitchen. Having physical space matters.’ (Hanna, Knaresborough)

However, some respondents said that they had shared a room with one or two other members of their family: some slept together on a sofa or mattresses.

‘The room was too small for the two of us, me and my twin sister. There was a small thin wardrobe and our sofa. And that's all, there was nothing else there. The hosts put a sofa for my sister and me in the room. Thank God, they at least put a sofa, because at first they asked if it would be okay for us to sleep on a mattress.’ (Ella, Castleford)

‘The room was small. It was a bit cramped for us, because we were three women in one room’ (Vira, Barnsley)

Arranging space by guests

Having a separate room did not always mean that guests arranged their own space. Respondents generally reported that they did not want to change anything in their rooms (9 out of 13). The reasons were different: some were happy with everything, some were embarrassed to change something in someone else’s house, some had hosts’ things in their room and simply didn’t have the opportunity to make any changes. There were cases when the hosts did not consider the room allocated for the guest to be his/her personal space: they went there, rearranged things, put things in order in their own way.

‘It felt like it wasn't my space at all because our room didn't even close’ (Ella, Castleford)

‘Even though it was my room, the host came in and put things in order. Rearranging flowers and opening curtains were her favourite activities’ (Oksana, Hull)

One respondent in our project lived in a separate house, which the host provided to him for 6 months. Now this respondent still lives in this house, but as a tenant. With the consent of the host, minor repairs were carried out in the house, and Ukrainian trees and flowers were planted in the garden plot.

About half of the research participants (6 out of 13) reported purchasing anything for their room while staying with their hosts. Mostly these were small things: trinkets, photographs, Ukrainian souvenirs. Several respondents wanted to buy things but did not allow themselves because they understood that this was temporary housing. Their previous experience of moving from country to country showed that this is a waste of money, since the purchased items have to be left behind.

‘I understood that what I buy here [in the UK], I will be forced to leave here in the future. I won't take it back.’ (Olha, Bradford)

However, some participants, while living with their hosts, began planning to move to separate housing and purchased the necessary household items.

‘I began preparing for the move. I started buying pots, plates, pans, everything.’ (Oksana, Hull)

Guests comfort zone and the ‘living room’ phenomenon

‘In English culture there is the living room, but in our culture, there is no living room. We don't have a two-bedroom apartment, we have a three-room apartment. Perhaps it is established in new houses, but we do not have the living room in our general consciousness. ...The living room was their territory, it seemed to us, although they did not mind sharing it in principle. But we didn't feel comfortable in the living room.’ (Roman, Hull)

In the UK culture the living room or lounge is an important collective space where members of the household often spend a significant amount of their leisure time. Since the culture of the living room is not developed in Ukraine due to different tradition of how the house space is shared, and due to reluctance of Ukrainian guests to disturb the hosts and encroach on their space, many participants did not feel comfortable in the living room. This sometimes created situations of misunderstanding when hosts invited guests to sit with them in the living room and watch TV, and the guests preferred to spend time in their room. At the same time, this way both guests and hosts were in their own personal space.

‘The hosts were at home all day, but we did not disturb them in any way. The British spend most of their time in the living room, and we were not there’ (Vira, Barnsley).

Nadia was in Poland with her mother and two-year-old son when they met volunteers who told them about the ‘Homes for Ukraine’ programme. The volunteers assisted Nadia with finding a host family. From the very first video call, the hosts and guests liked each other. The hosts helped Nadia and her family with adaptation in the UK, and with starting an independent life in a rented house. Nadia says that the kindness and care of the hosts changed her perception on life. Now she herself has become more grateful, began to share more with people and is grateful every day.

The research findings showed that the participants mostly spent time in their rooms, in the kitchen or in the garden: they did activities, studied, talked with relatives, watched their favourite movies. Several respondents mentioned the garden of hosts as their zone of comfort and solitude.

‘The favourite place was the garden. You go out and immediately see the river, you can see the beautiful sky. Peace, quiet, security.’ (Nadia, York)

Oksana was born in Dnipro (eastern Ukraine), but before the war she worked as a notary assistant in Kyiv. Having two degrees (economics and law), Oksana was preparing to take the notary qualification exam, but the war changed all plans. A friend from the UK asked Oksana to take the friend’s old mother from Ukraine to Poland. In Poland the friend told Oksana about the ‘Homes for Ukraine’ programme and offered to take part. A friend’s children became Oksana’s hosts. Arriving in the UK was a big shock for the woman: lack of English created many difficulties, but also comical situations. Despite everything, Oksana has got a job in retail, rents a house, and was joint by her mother, niece and their dog in the UK.

The respondents also mentioned the kitchen as their favourite place to study or work, as it is always warm and cosy there.

‘If you're cold, you come to the kitchen: you either stick to this stove, or bring your computer with you and sit here if you need to work’ (Hanna, Knaresborough)

More than half of the research participants mentioned feeling ‘freezing’ in their hosts' homes. Not many people dared to ask hosts to turn on the heating, as they understood that this would be an additional expense. Ukrainian ‘guests’ mostly tolerated it and tried to keep warm using available means: they bought electric sheets, warm clothes, and bed linen, or spent their days at work or study. In some rare cases, hosts themselves offered heaters to respondents.

Overall, most respondents noted that they felt safe and comfortable in the homes of their hosts, and expressed gratitude to the British for their support during these difficult times for Ukraine.

Sofia is the mother of five children and this is the second time she has fled the war. The woman is originally from the Donetsk region (Eastern Ukraine) and moved to Mariupol in 2014 when the Russian Federation occupied this territory. In February 2022, Sofia and her children left Mariupol for Lviv, then to Poland, and then to Germany. Being alone with children in a country without knowing the language was very difficult. Through Ukrainians in Germany, Sofia found hosts in the UK. This meeting became fateful for Sofia and her family. The hosts were so imbued with the woman’s situation that they rented a separate house for her, bought a car and helped her to open a private cleaning business. Despite the slight age difference, Sofia refers to her hosts as ‘my British mom and dad, who are always there for me.’